Life is good

Well it's now half way between my last chemo session and the next one coming up and I am well overdue for a post. I'm feeling pretty good today. It took me just over a week to feel back to normal and even during that week while I wasn't feeling well enough to be out and about, I didn't feel like I'd been hit by a truck like the previous time. It was fairly mild in comparison.  It helped too having great food and service.  I hope I don't get a friend into trouble but it helps to know someone who manages the catering where you are staying.  Here is a photo of dinner in hospital.  One dozen oysters,  roast chicken done very nicely,  cheese cake with a brandy orange infusion, and a small bottle of red wine.  I love oysters and was kindly given 12 instead of the allotted 6.

I am feeling very positive at the moment, made more so because a fellow member of the ADSVIC support group, Farid, who is undergoing a clinical trial called FAK, has had some very promising results with tumour reduction. The FAK trial hadn't been tried yet on mesothelioma but Farid's wife Lisa found out about the trial and saw that it had been successful with aggressive melanoma and asked if they would be prepared to try it out for mesothelioma. So kudos to Lisa and Farid for being so resourceful. It is amazing how much research and detective work is being done by people who are effected by cancer. In the case of mesothelioma, because there is no known cure, most of us are clutching at straws hoping to come across something in the time we have. You feel like a time bomb is ticking and you are a guinea pig in whatever you try but you go on with it in the hope that you are going to be lucky with timing. As I always say, while there is life there is hope.

Here is Emma and I a few days ago in the garden enjoying the perfect weather.

Another reason I am feeling so good is that in the last 2 nights Patrick and I have gone out and had a great time.  Friday night was my brother Jack's 50th birthday and I organised that a friend's daughter baby sit Emma.  It was the first time ever I had left her with a babysitter so I was a bit worried that she would wake up and find us not there, but thankfully she slept right through.

Last night was a work end of year party for Patrick's company and so we left Emma with my parents.   She was very upset for the first hour or so, looking for us everywhere but then she settled and was quite happy.  The plan was to leave her there overnight but in the end we had to come and rescue my parents or no-one was going to get any sleep.  Emma wouldn't let my parents put her down in the porta-cot so they took her to bed with them.  At home we have been letting Emma turn off her bedroom light just before she goes to bed by lifting her up.  She just loves doing it.  In my parents bed they had light switches on their bedside tables - all accessible to Emma.   That was great news for her.  She was having a ball turning the light off and on...off and on.   With every flick of the switch,  Emma was becoming more and more energised.   When we got there at 2:00am my parents were looking exhausted and Emma was wide awake, giggling and flicking the switch.

In general I am feeling good, positive and thinking that life is good.

Update:  I forgot to mention that in hospital I also managed to get a private room this time around as opposed to sharing with 3 others last time.

Update2: In an effort to not get my friend John into trouble for the preferential treatment, I forgot to mention the hospital was Cabrini.  Sorry John Wayne (as if that is your real name).

Just do it

About a week after my chemo the pain and nausea did indeed come to pass. I did mention that on my Facebook wall but probably should have posted about it since not everyone is a Facebook friend.  My Macbook broke almost 2 weeks ago and writing on the iPad is more cumbersome.  I have ordered a MacBook Air online but doesn't look like I'll have it on time for my next chemo session tomorrow.  A real shame because I won't be able to do video chat with Emma.

 So just over a week after my last chemo session, I started feeling normal again.  It is hard sometimes when you are feeling so crappy to remember what it is like to feel normal.  Tomorrow I'm going in for another chemo session and the thought of feeling so bad again makes me a bit nervous.  My main fear though is having it mess up my organs so much that I have to stop with this particular chemo combination.  The chemo drugs I use, Alimta and Cisplatin are believed by most specialists of mesothelioma in Australia to be the most effective at keeping meso at bay.  Well as I always say, there is no point in worrying about something before it happens.  Of course it's impossible not to think about it but I need to do this chemo for a chance to beat this cancer so the only motto that makes sense right now is ...'just do it.'    

Just a stage that will pass

Coming home wasn't quite like I expected. The house was a mess, I was feeling awful and Emma thought she was finally going to be breast fed. I started to wonder whether or not I should have stayed in hospital. At least there I was being looked after nicely and knew the people looking after me were just doing their job. Back at home I really wanted to do stuff but couldn't, I needed Patrick to look after me and Emma wanted me to go back to how things were. I felt quite useless. Over the video chat, I seemed to be able to calm Emma down. She could accept that I wasn't there. But being at home, she knew I was there but just not giving her what she wanted. I had to listen to her crying for hours on end while Patrick tried to settle her.

People often tell me that my blog is positive and optimistic. It's possible that I tend to write more when I am feeling good but I do try to view everything in a positive light. When things are difficult, it doesn't always come naturally and I find myself at times like this thinking how can I possibly feel good about all this.

When Emma was born, a good friend of mine, Yossi, told me that whenever things get difficult with newborns, to remember each time that everything is just a stage and it passes. It makes it easier to cope with difficult times when you know it is just something that will pass.

With this in mind, I needed to remind myself that all this nausea and pain I feel are not the cancer but the chemo. Before the chemo, I managed my pain fairly well. It never made me sick, just made me aware that there was something there if I had not taken my pain meds on time. By doing chemo, know you are going to make yourself really sick with the hope that it will make you better. It is all fairly obvious stuff I guess but sometimes when you're not feeling the best, you need to consciously remind yourself that it is just a stage. It will pass.