It is now a couple of days since my PET scan results and I'm trying to gather my thoughts, be positive and start the fight to destroy this bastard cancer. True it isn't a definite until I have the biopsy results but I am not feeling very positive on that front. I have constant pain which is a continuous reminder of the cancer. Before the scan results for ages now I was convincing myself that the pain was just scar tissue. I have had quite strong pain ever since my surgery three years ago so it was easy to pass it off as such. But in the last couple of months it became more severe. I started back at the gym a couple months ago so it was easy to assume I had just torn the scar tissue. Strangely, the pain seemed so much more bearable when I thought it was scar tissue. I was happy to learn to live with it, knowing that it wasn't trying to kill me.
The other constant reminder is Emma. I can't look at her an not think about me not being there for her. I have to win this. It will be very traumatic for her. Also the thought of her seeing me in the late stages of the disease, her last memories of me, is a horrible thought but I can't help but think about it. I think just in case of worst case scenario, I should start doing some video journals for her.
Now, having said all that, things are looking good. Why? It turns out that the tumour was also on my previous two x-rays but was overlooked. The most recent one was two weeks ago and the one three months prior. While I could be pissed off that it was missed, there is a positive side - the tumour couldn't be growing that fast. Also there are new clinical trials for Mesothelioma starting up all the time and sooner or later a cure will be found. All I have to do is to hang in there. Simple really.
For anyone in this predicament it is important to keep things in perspective and stay focussed on the positive. Medical science is moving exponentially toward cures for all cancers. The future really is looking bright we just have to stay focussed, do our best to keep our immune systems strong and try to remain positive. As I've said before, while there is life there is hope.
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6 comments:
Good on you Anita - your positive attitude is quite inspirational, but then you have always inspired me. Your family and friends as well as your SG friends are all there for you and as you say - the advances in medicine is moving along all the time - it is just a matter of time before we have something to stop this thing in it's tracks. Keep positive and cheerful - Julie xx
Hi Anita, I can only begin to understand all the thoughts whirling around in your head. But the most important one is as you say to keep positive. You have so much love around you and that positive energy must go somewhere. Well I'm praying for you as is Koby and I hope there will be no need for a fight but if there is we're in it with you! Love:)
Anita darling, This is important so I want you to listen. We were talking about you during the last major round of F.Y.B. and at our preposterously high level of play, something must be of Brobdingnagian importance to take us away from the competition at hand. You my dear are just such a something. We're concerned with you but revel in your wonderfully positive attitude. When it comes to support;take what you need. That's what your friends are lining up to tell you. Take care
Love to you and your family.
Guy
Hi Anita
Thinking of you and wishing you well! All good things to you and your family, love Anna (Robinson)
constantly amazed by you and in awe of you.
A very anxious time for you atm Anita & Patrick especially with beautiful little Emma. A good immune system and positive mind are great fighters of this cancer combined with excellent medical treatment that chips away at it! We are there for you always. Lou & Keith xx
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